


all too well

by tranquilmelodies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Bit of humor in that one part, Divorce, HQSwiftWeek2020, M/M, Married Couple, SakuAtsu, Song: All Too Well (Taylor Swift)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tranquilmelodies/pseuds/tranquilmelodies
Summary: Hello! This is my first ever entry to HQ x Taylor Swift Week 2020 Day 3: RedEnjoy reading! I apologize too for the grammatical errors(Italic words when speaking = past ;; to avoid confusion)I recommend listening to the slowed and original version of All Too Well for the feels.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	all too well

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever entry to HQ x Taylor Swift Week 2020 Day 3: Red
> 
> Enjoy reading! I apologize too for the grammatical errors 
> 
> (Italic words when speaking = past ;; to avoid confusion)
> 
> I recommend listening to the slowed and original version of All Too Well for the feels.

* * *

It was another cold September night again.

Sakusa decided to have a long walk to their town, despite his body screaming him ‘ _No_ ’.

The air’s freezing and it’s already at those months where most people would huddle together for warmth, but him? He’s going for a walk to get some fresh air and some thinking for himself. When he does he listens anyways? As he walked more further, his mind drifts to the person he swore he will never remember. The person who was the reason of his euphoria and at the same time is the reason of his agonizing heartache that feels like a fire erupting all over his body. The heartache was like a red hot coal placed in his chest, it glowed and burnt him inside at the same time, it did not cool quickly like a coal in a water, so it throbbed and tortured him in his waking and walking hours and there was no remedy to put off those feelings inside.

_**Miya Atsumu.** _

5 syllables at the name, when spoke— it feels like eternity and for Sakusa, it was suffocating every time his tongue drawls out his name in random occasions. It can be when he went out with his friends one night and everyone is talking about their lovers and romance in general, and so he couldn't help to say his name when the word 'marriage' was mentioned. They were once married, happy married couple that used to have fun, enjoy what was the present is giving them and thinking about the possibilities of the future. Everyone knew how the two started writing their love story. It started by their passion of playing Volleyball and it turns out that they are playing at the same team, which was the National Volleyball team of Japan. Atsumu greeted Sakusa with that goddamned sleazy smile that Sakusa badly want to wipe it off by spiking his face as he goes like, " _Omi-kun_! We're teammates, right?" And Sakusa thinks that he was too 'annoying' to be dealt with.

Time passes, more volleyball matches, late-night practices, more exasperating " _Omi-kun!_ " and shared moments, the spark starts to flicker from the two of them. Until one day, Atsumu asked Sakusa to meet him at the back of the court because he needs to tell Sakusa something urgent, and the words that left the blonde-haired man's mouth brought Sakusa to his happiness that soon will be pain.

" _I love you, Omi-kun! Will you go out with me?_ " Atsumu's voice were bit shaky and nervous, his hands behind his back were prone to tremor and his face were tomato red from embarrassment, he was all ready to be rejected by Sakusa since he thinks that he doesn't like him. So, Sakusa pulled Atsumu to press their lips together and Atsumu could feel his heart beating rapidly while the butterflies flutter at his stomach as if the time has stopped between the two of them. The kiss that the raven-haired man is giving him were like black holes pulling you in until all gravity is lost under his touch.

" _Of course, dumbass, I will._ "

* * *

Their days as couples were bright and fun, it was always filled with never ending banters and stolen kisses that Sakusa secretly loves but reprimands Atsumu with it. Their team already had enough of their sweetness, but none of them could do anything that they were inseparable together.

Sakusa and Atsumu would also have random roadtrips using Kageyama's convertible without his permission every damn time and they would jam out to the playlist they made together named, **"Red"**. Most of them doesn't know where they would always travel, as they both agreed that GPS isn't going to be with them and so often, they ended up calling Kageyama to pick them up and getting scolded after. But they didn't care, what matters is their happiness. They were living their lives together and there would be no one to stop them from doing it. Also, Atsumu almost sped up to the red light since he has been staring too long to appreciate Sakusa's beauty, he still can't believe that he got someone good looking as him, and maybe he got a diamond that is powerful on its own.

Sakusa still clearly remembers how the wind flew at his hair that time, he still remember it all too well.

* * *

One of the most fondest memory that Sakusa had with Atsumu is when he met Atsumu's parents and they showed him Atsumu's baby pictures with Osamu, he laughs when he sees baby Atsumu crying at one of the photos-- Atsumu used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed shared with his twin brother and he thought that he was adorable even Atsumu protested that moment of his were humiliating. Sakusa learned Atsumu's past while he thought that Atsumu's future was him. That the future that he has, he will be involved with everything that happened to them.

Years passed, it's their fifth year as a couples and nothing changed between the two of them. They still got the excitement that always flowed within their bloods, they bought an apartment that's enough for the two of them and they moved in together. They always woke up with the arms wrapped around each other, their bodies were sculpted as like they were meant to be fit to each other, their hushed voices speaking "I love you's" when they try to wake up. Then followed by shared conversations about their dreams while eating the breakfast that they made. After their morning routine, they would share kisses again before bidding their goodbyes before going to their jobs.

It was those simpler days, Sakusa told himself mentally as he looks up to the sky. More and more memories start to surge at his mind, and it was enough to make him tear up again.

One day, Atsumu proposed to Sakusa at exactly 12:00 am at their house while they were dancing at ther kitchen, the refrigerator lights accompanying the two of them as their hips swayed at the gentle hum of "Enchanted" , laughing when they accidentally stomp one of their foot— they were dancing like starlights in the dim sky, their hearts were in sync, and the happiness that brought the two of them as their hands intertwined lovingly,and the diamond ring reflects the light on the two of them. Atsumu and Sakusa has yet to climb another metamorphic milestone again and the two couldn't believe that they pushed this so far. No one thought they would last this long, and it made them believe that maybe, they were meant to be.

Now, Sakusa is a part of the Miya family, the high that they had years ago were still on the sky of eternity. Even though that they got busier at their jobs. But the routine they had in the morning is always still the same. The kisses that they share still have the same streaks of devotion and fondness, their hugs are still warm and it keeps staying in the same way. Technology is a thing now, so the two would always exchange messages with, "I love you", "How are you doing?", "Please don't forget to eat the lunch I prepared for you", and sometimes their attentions on their phones is getting longer when one has to tell a funny story about their co-workers and they get scolded for staying at their phone too much. Things were still at their breeze. Their love were flaming and no one could ever put it out, they were too stuck on each other.

Until...

Things changed all of a sudden. Sakusa yet again thinks about why after all those years, the problem has to rise at that time? The morning routines that they used to do every waking hours started to fade, their breakfasts tasted bland as there were no more kisses to share, dreams to tell and laugh at, no more arms around each other to wake up and slowly enough, their bodies doesn't feel like they are made for each other anymore. The silence between them every morning was deafning, and the atmosphere got suffocating enough to choke at it. Sakusa is just left there sitting at the chair, wondering if there's anything that happened to them. Or there's something that he needs to change himself.

" _Atsumu... Welcome home._ " Sakusa mumurs, arms spreading out to embrace Astumu, but his husband just weakly hugs him and pulling out as quickly as he can before making his way to their bedroom, leaving Sakusa alone with thoughts that soon will eat him every night, and it soon will never make him sleep. Sakusa and Atsumu sleeps with no arms enveloped at each other, their skins doesn't even touch anymore, the bed turned cold for Sakusa and his mind starts to ponder questions that he never bothered to have because he feels so secured on the past few years that he had on Atsumu. Atsumu wasn't the same before, the colors that he shone in his younger years were fading to grey and the smile starts to wear out everytime they see each other and it was replaced with a lips formed into a thin line or maybe a frown that Sakusa hated seeing to his husband because it didn't suited him. He was afraid.

_**Afraid of the sudden change and his guess about their situation is becoming into fruition and he's too helpless about it.** _

* * *

_**December of 25th**_ , it was 8:00 pm of the night and the snow is enormous, the Christmas decors are placed nicely everywhere at Miya's apartment. The two cooked their usual Christmas meal, roasted chicken, a breaded porkchops, a bowl of salad, tempuras and wine, but there was something missing at this year's celebration.

And it is the streak of _**devotion** _and _**adoration**_ that they used to have.

Sakusa frowns as he take another scoop of his rice, while looking at Atsumu who was plainly eating the meal without any trace of positive emotions painted at his face. _**'**_ **Is there's nothing to change now, does it** _ **?'**_ Sakusa said to himself, not wanting to stand all of this treatment from Atsumu, so he slams the chopsticks down and glaring at Atsumu who was shocked as well. " _What is happening, Tsumu?_ " The frustration at his voice were so evident, and he is at the verge of crying, but he never let it show to Atsumu, not right now.

" _Nothing, are you serious now, Sakusa? Picking up a fight at Christmas?_ " Atsumu just called Sakusa by his full name. He could feel his heart crumbling just hearing those.

" _I-I'm not! You've been so cold for me now and I don't know what is happening... Please Tsumu, tell me._ "

" _There is nothing wrong, Sakusa._ "

" _No, you're lying-- there is something wrong between us and you are not telling me._ "

" _Fuck! What the hell is wrong with you, Sakusa?! I told you there is nothing wrong between us. You're overreacting._ " Atsumu's tone is irritated and tight. And Sakusa was taken back from it, when did he became like this? Why he is being like this? Was there's something that he did? " _I am not overreacting, why won't you listen?_ " Sakusa presses more, making Atsumu stand up from his seat and the face that he has... Sakusa wasn't expecting it and it was scary. The lines of anger etched all from his face and he was looking like... He was sick at his own husband. "Whatever, forget it." He hisses before walking to the door and wearing his jacket and shoes before slamming the door intentionally loud.

And Sakusa was left with tears flowing at his eyes, he will remember this, he will remember the way that Atsumu changed and how he showed him the side of his that never bothered to show up. He sleeps with tears clouding his vision and a heavy heart that's hard to carry everytime. Atsumu just ran away, not even wanting to give answers or atleast solve their misunderstandings.

* * *

_**December 27th**_ , it was morning when Atsumu came back and he seen Sakusa just spacing out from the window, watching the snowflakes land on the window. Sakusa saw Atsumu packing his things up and saying, " _I'm so sorry Omi-kun, I have to go to a trip, it'll be months long... Are you going to be okay here alone?_ " The blonde said. petting Sakusa head as if nothing happened between them. Sakusa didn't have a choice as he nodded yes,

" _Will you be back soon?_ "

But the answer was a kiss.

* * *

Sakusa's year started with a _ **divorce paper** _at his mail box and a _**call** _from Atsumu.

“ _Let’s just end this, Sakusa. I don’t feel anything from us together anymore. Don’t be stubborn, please sign the papers._ ” The way that Atsumu said this to Sakusa was painful, gut wrenching, and even though it hurts— Sakusa can’t help but to miss his voice, it’s been awhile since he last called and heard the voice that once lulled him to sleep, once used to tell him stories and he badly wants to hear his melodic laugh again, but this is wasn’t the moment, never it will be and he will be not hearing that laugh again. “ _B-but... Tsumu, why? Why you suddenly came back to me with this? Did I do something wrong to us? Tell me Tsumu..._ ” Sakusa’s tone was indignant, he’s feeling different emotions as he speaks— the tears at yet to escape at his eyes again. The line was silent, and it even spewed the misery and fury from Sakusa’s deepest part of his soul. He sniffles before composing himself even though he’s crying right now, “ _We were together for fucking twelve years— fucking twelve years, Tsumu! Married for five years, I did all what I can for you, I gave you my secrets, the things I never show to people, I gave you my love and devotion and I even gave you my fucking Calvin Klein brief when you ran out of your underwear even I hate it and you know it’s unsanitary and disgusting for me!_ ” Sakusa seethed in, glaring as his phone as he speak, “ _Tell me, Tsumu, where did I lacked to make you be like this? Was there’s anything that I didn’t do? Do I have to do more than this? Tell me Tsumu.... Tell me, I just want you back in my life, please? I’m going to do those, for you. To make you stay..._ ” Tsumu wasn’t having it anymore, his tears didn’t stopped flowing and the thunder rumbled loudly when he lets out a long cry of anguish.

“ _I've poured warmth into you for so long and you love it, I know you still do. Then you suddenly became cold to shut me down. It hurts so much... Every time I wait for you is a new wound, a new scar to add to the collection. You know it never stops me loving you even you treating me this way... But I need you to try real hard, try not to go cold in that way... I miss the sunshine that you are, Tsumu. Please...._

_Come back to me._ “

Silence. Silence. It was a matter of minutes before the line spoke again.

“ _I’m tired. Our routines were the same ever since, there’s no more adventures that we do everyday, it’s just the same always— kissing at the morning, texts, and we even became that bland now in bed. I fell out of love, I couldn’t have the spark that we had anymore. It’s been months since I’ve feeling this way and I never had a courage until now... I’m so sorry. Please sign the papers to stop suffering now._ ”

All of what Atsumu said was what broke his soul completely in shatters. Atsumu’s being so casually cruel, all in the name of being honest and Sakusa wishes that he wasn’t this way, that he wasn’t saying this to him right now and nothing like this is currently happening. He wants this to be a dream that he can wake up to again and to find his lover somewhere at their house. No, it was only 3 months of him waiting for Atsumu to come home, and Sakusa made sure to always set two bowls when eating in case that Atsumu comes home again. But no, what came back to him was a piece of paper announcing that Atsumu wants to end their 5 years of marriage. To end the years of their romance, to end what they started writing, to end their passion from each other and mostly to end everything that they both had.After all those years, Sakusa's hunches were right-- Atsumu's love for him were fading and it already reached its limit, and he would always talk himself over that he was wrong, that he's so stupid for thinking it will happen because him and Atsumu are married and love at marriage will always last. He's so wrong for giving him false hope and making himself believe that they will be together for eternity and no one could pull them apart, he's so stupid for not making actions that he should had done years ago, he is the wrong one in everything at this point. Why he has to fall out of love when they are already at their 12 years as lovers? Why Atsumu didn't came home and told him this? Why he has to bring all of the suffering right now? Does he deserve this? Maybe he does, maybe this was meant to happen.

And Sakusa cries, harder than he ever did on those past nights of waiting while wearing one of Atsumu's favorite plaid shirt, it smells like him, it smells like home and no scent could ever beat this feeling. The musky scent mixed with vanilla is what brings him to a sleep filled with broken promises and love that he will never have soon at his life. He ends the call without even saying goodbye and laying down at the cold oak floor and looking up to the dark ceiling to dwell, to dwell on his life. He still remembers everything too well, everything that they shared has a special place at his worn out heart, he doesn’t know if his ex lover feels the same.

* * *

Sakusa finally came home from his walk to find out that most of Atsumu's possessions are gone and there's a small box with his name in it. He opens the box and sees that most of it were his clothes, but the scarf that he gave Atsumu when they were couples for the first week were missing. " **You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well..** " Sakusa whispers, and he was taken back to the days where the scarf was the symbol of their budding love and innocence that they both had back then. Again, Sakusa breaks down into tears for the nth time of the night. Atsumu grabbed all of his things and never even waited to just have a talk, he just... left.

The aching pain at his heart gets stronger everytime he grasps on his clothes that were tainted too with his once lover's scent. It's been months too since he was trying to be social again with his friends and co-worker while finding his old self— who was he before all of those heartbreak. But it was too hard for him since he got used to have Atsumu's self as what his peers say, "Twin Flame." they used to be each parts of the heart and now it was only at half. Sakusa feels that time were still stuck,stuck on the day that Atsumu decided to leave him without any words.

Then, his mind starts to fly back on everything they did from the start until the end. From how they first met and how Atsumu left the house on that Christmas night and decided not to come back from now own. Everything comes back to him, and he remembers it all too well-- but it was all over.

Their lovestory is over and done for, and there's nothing he could do. So, he looks up to the glimmering sky with a glassy pair of eyes and said, " **I hope he remembers everything too well... Because I do and every moment that we shared is precious. Our laughter, tears, hugs, anger were worth something, worth treasuring for... But I don't think he realizes it...**

**I don't want to suffer from this alone... Help me.** "


End file.
